Tid Bits

I've neglected this blog for a month and I feel horrible about it, but I just can't seem to find the time (or the energy) to do anything about it.  As it is, you are only going to get bullet points today!

Here's a recap of the past month....

• I still have my rash!  This Wednesday will be 16 weeks and I still don't have any answers.  I'm still seeing the specialist and they are still running tests, but at this time there is no prognosis.  I am on multiple medications to handle the itching and doing light therapy twice a week, but I wish they could diagnose me with something so that we could take care of this once and for all.  And more importantly, so we could figure out what is causing it.

• Lainey has started physical therapy so we drive 1-1/2 hours twice a week for her appointments.  Tomorrow will be her 8th session so we are halfway done. 
  They do laser therapy, muscle building and strength exercises, and water treadmill.
  She has made huge improvements and I am so thankful for the doctors we are seeing.
  
  Here is the water treadmill....she is waiting for the tank to fill up.

• We began to notice that Lainey was only limping and/or not using her bad leg while at home, but if we were out in public she would walk fine. She would be completely fine at my parents house, my sisters house, and a friends home, but would act all funny at home. We were advised by Lainey's physical therapist that it was most likely due to our hardwood floors at home.  She wasn't feeling confident enough with her leg and was too worried about slipping and sliding on the floors.  We just put them in 2 years ago, so there was no way that we were going to get rid of them (or cover them with a bunch of rugs).  So, our only choice was to buy huge pieces of remnant.  I hate how it looks, but she is a whole different dog since putting these down.

 

• It's officially college football season!!!  Yay!!  My husband and my dad got an early Christmas present....Go Blue!!!

• What little free time I've had has been spent doing a couple projects at home.  My stepson's bedroom had never been touched and was the last room in the whole house that was still that beige color that was on every wall when we moved in.  He is 17 and very rarely at our house anymore so I wanted to make it more "grown-up" so we could use it as a spare bedroom.  I love the way it turned out and even happier because he loves it to.  I ordered some wall décor that should arrive this week and then the room will be complete.

BEFORE ~ This is a picture from the day we moved in

AFTER ~ No more beige :)
We used the same grey from the Living Room/Dining Room and accented with Dark Blue
(we have also added curtains since this picture was taken)

I also decided to try a little DIY project and make my own curtains.  I've been looking for low cost ideas to change up our living space and when I started pricing new curtains I about lost my mind.  I even tried to find some on Etsy and still couldn't justify the prices.  Since I can't sew, I did a little search on google and Pinterest to find a "no-sew" method.  After watching a few videos and reading a couple blog posts, I decided to give it a whirl.

I went to JoAnn Fabrics and picked out these fabrics (great for our fall décor).  I also picked up some twin white sheets from Walmart to use as the lining.  Four curtain panels for just over $50...Can't beat it!

Chevron for the Living Room and the Polka Dots for the Dining Room

Here is the final result....I love them (and so does the hubby).  It is just that small change I needed.

• And to end this....here are some adorable pics of Lainey in her new Doggles.  She insists on having her head out the car window for the ENTIRE drive to physical rehab and I was so worried about debris getting in her eyes. Hopefully, she will get used to wearing these and then mama won't have to worry and stress so much.

Sorry for my absence...let's hope another month doesn't go by before I stop by here.  At the least, I can promise that things in my life should slow down about November and I hope to be back here more regularly.

Gluten Free.....No way, not me!

Tomorrow marks 8 weeks that I have had some sort of rash.  It is mostly on my lower back (upper buttocks), on my sides, around my chest, on my lower stomach, behind my ears and all over my scalp.  It is so itchy and drives me nuts.

I have been unable to see my family doctor as they are booked about 3 months out, so I have visited the urgent care 3 times and the emergency room once.  On all 4 visits I was diagnosed with contact dermatitis.  Meaning, I am coming into contact with something that I am having an allergic reaction to.

I've been prescribed mass amounts of prednisone, topical steroid cream and scalp wash....but, it continually keeps coming back.  We have gone through every item in our home (indoors and out) to see if there is something out of the ordinary that I have used and to this day we have thought of nothing.

Thankfully, I had an appointment with my regular physician yesterday for my annual and we were able to discuss my rash.  She made a phone call to a dermatology office and explained my situation and they were able to get me in yesterday afternoon.  Miracles do happen!!

A biopsy was taken off my lower back and will be sent out for testing and I also had some blood work drawn.  The specialist is thinking that I have Duhrings disease (aka dermatitis herpetaformis) and celiac disease.

Unfortunately, if this is the case, I will be on a strict gluten free diet and this will be a lifelong requirement (along with medication).  I've been wanting answers for weeks now as to what is causing all of this....but THIS is not the answer I would have hoped for.  I love food way too much to even "think" about having to go gluten free!

As much as I want this chronic itching to end.....I just never imagined this would be my answer.

Do any of you have to avoid gluten?  If so, what tips do you have.

And the Saga Continues!

Yesterday was Lainey's appointment with the Orthopedic Specialist.  Originally, the plan was for the doctor to do surgery on Lainey's new injury, but unfortunately, that is not what happened.

After the initial exam on the new injury, the doctor started examining the old injury and we discussed all of the complications we've been having since Lainey's surgery in September.  After discovering that Lainey has been hyper-extending her leg for 4 months since surgery, causing the cartlidge to harden in an odd position in her hock, we decided that emergency surgery on her first injury was more of a priority at this time.

The plan is to do the surgery on Leg #1 yesterday, board her at the vet for the next 10 days and then do surgery on Leg #2.  The type of surgery we have chosen for Leg #2 will actually allow her to "stand" and bear weight on that leg within 24 hours and the recovery time is only about 8 weeks.  This is a necessity given the fact that the recovery period for Leg #1 will be 4-6 months.

I spoke with the surgeon yesterday after the first surgery was completed, and it sounds like everything went as planned.  She was able to determine what was causing each of our complications and resolve each of those problems (we hope)! 

As of now, Lainey is resting comfortably and is adjusting to the full leg bandage she is wearing.  As for the issue with her hock, she will need to wear a brace for an undetermined amount of time (see pic for example of brace)

Fortunately, the vet is only 10 minutes away from my dad's house on the east side of the state, so I will be staying with him this weekend in order to visit Lainey as much as possible.

Please keep the prayers coming...Lainey (and mama) could use them!

No Regrets

I am one of the few women who never wanted children.  I adore my nephews, but even as a young adult I had no intentions of having any of my own. 

But then I met a handsome fella and we got married, bought a house and joined our 'families'.  He had 2 children already (who were teenagers when we met), but I started to want my own. 

Due to the fact that my husband is a paraplegic and I had had cervical cancer, we decided to see a specialist to discuss our options.  Soon after that appointment, the so-called "urge" was gone, so we decided not to move forward.  I enjoy our life and for many reasons I don't care to discuss here, we cancelled all future doctor appointments and have never really discussed the topic since.

But, every year around Christmas I get a little depressed.  I tend to think of all the things I won't be doing this year.  I won't attend any Christmas programs at school, I won't make anything awesome from Pinterest for my child's teacher, I won't be able to play Santa, and most of all, I can't pass along the Christmas family traditions that I grew up knowing and loving.

I've learned that the best way to cure this feeling is for me to spend some extra special time with all the little ones around me.  I've got a special date with one of my nephews tonight and I can't wait!

I don't regret the decision my husband and I made, but that doesn't mean I can't dream every now and again of what it would be like to some day be called "mommy"!

R.I.P Walker

I can't even begin to describe the pain in my heart! 

We lost one of our family members Friday...

R.I.P Walker

I will never forgive myself for letting him eat one of those pills, which ultimately was the beginning of the end for him. He was suffering from kidney failure and I know I did the right thing by putting him to sleep, but it doesn't make the pain hurt any less. I don't know if I will ever love another 4-legged animal the way I loved him. There was definitely a special bond between Walker and mama and I will hold onto those memories forever. 

Not the best picture of me....but this is the last photo I took of Walker. 
This is a great example of how loving he was.  He would sleep every night with his arms wrapped around my neck...I sure do miss that!  {tear}

R.I.P Walker...you will forever be in our heart!

Cat Update:

After spending 4 days at the hospital, I was able to bring the cats home yesterday.  Their kidney & liver tests continue to be in the "normal" range, but we will have them tested two more times over the next couple weeks to make sure there are no residual effects from the pill.

If you are just joining...check out this post to see what happened.

Our family felt COMPLETE yesterday after they arrived home and it was a nice feeling.

One cat wouldn't leave my side....and the other wanted nothing to do with me.

Although, by the time I was in bed....both cats were cuddled up next to me, just like it should be :)

Google is Always Right....But I Wanted them to be Wrong

Yesterday was one of those days where nothing seemed to go right.  The weather has been crappy which put me in a bad mood....my workday was chaotic....and worst of all, when I picked up Lainey from daycare they informed me that they couldn't watch her anymore.  Evidently, she is starting to feel better and is NOT HAPPY about being confined to a kennel ALL day!  Over the past few days she has chewed up many blankets, chewed up two beds, and yesterday she chewed their floor all the way down to concrete.

This of course stressed me out to the max and required me to come up with a Plan B.  For the next couple weeks my little brother has agreed to come over throughout the day to let her out, take her for her walk and do her therapy.  This is a great plan for now, but what am I going to do in a couple weeks when he isn't available anymore???

Needless to say I went to bed last night not in a very good mood....and I let everyone know about it too!

When I awoke this morning I convinced myself that today was a new day and I was going to leave yesterday in the past.  My morning routine was going great, I was right on schedule and had everything planned out for leaving Lainey at home.  Then the unthinkable happened.....

I feed Lainey every morning before we leave so that I can give her a pain pill.  I got all of her pills out and ready and then noticed that she was still eating her food.  I wanted to let her finish eating so that she can take the pills on a full stomach.  I decided that while she finished eating I would brush my teeth and then be ready to leave for work.  I laid the pills on the counter, stepped over my cats (they tend to always be right at your feet at all times), and went to brush my teeth.  When I came back out of the bathroom I went to grab the pills off the counter and there was only "dust" and a small piece of one of the pills left.  By this time I started to panic.  I immediately looked on the floor to see if one of the cats knocked them off the counter, but there was nothing!

I panicked.  The counter is too high for Lainey to have gotten to them so I knew that one of the cats had ate them.  I wasn't worried about the cats ingesting the glucosamine pills, but the pain pill (Rimadyl) is pretty potent even for my 70 lb dog...I couldn't imagine a 9 lb cat ingesting one.

My first reaction was to jump on google to see what I should do and how harmful this could be.  The first post I read stated that Rimadyl is TOXIC to cats and ingested can cause Kidney failure within the first 24 hrs which most of the time leads to death.  I was HYSTERICAL!!!

Due to my hysteria I failed to think straight.  I should have immediately jumped in the car and headed to the emergency vet, but instead, my next reaction was to wake up my husband and tell him what happened.  I informed him of what I found on Google and of course, he tried to calm me down and actually got irritated that I always try to "self-diagnose" everything using the internet.  (About every 6 months I think I'm dying of cancer or any other 100 diseases you don't want). I agreed that I was probably over-reacting and finished getting ready for work.

After 20 minutes I couldn't take it any longer.  I called the emergency vet to get some answers.  Unfortunately....Google was right!  And the kicker to this whole story is that had I tried to induce vomiting within the first 20 minutes the "fast-acting" Rimadyl wouldn't have been completely absorbed by the cat's system, giving us better chances of reducing the side effects. 

After hanging up the phone, I hollered at my husband to "get your ass out of bed and come say goodbye to the cats, because one of them is probably going to die today".  I never said I was calm under pressure.....Although, he did feel pretty bad that he tried to talk me out of the emergency vet in the first place.

Anywho....Both cats are at the hospital (both of them had to go because I don't know which one ingested the drug) and will be there until Monday evening (assuming they live that long).  The doctors tried to induce vomiting but was unsuccessful.  They are currently both on IV fluids in order to try and flush the kidneys.  As of 10:00 a.m. today both of their liver and kidney tests came back normal, but that can change at any time.  They will test again on Monday and call me with the results.  If there is no change, I will be able to pick them up Monday evening.

Although, we still won't be "out of the woods" even if they test normal on Monday.  The first 3 days after ingestion are the most critical, but it can take up to 3-4 weeks for the Rimadyl to be completely out of a cat's system.  They will both go back every few days for more tests and hopefully there will continue to be no changes.

As you can imagine...I am just beside myself.  The guilt is overwhelming...

How could I have been so stupid?  If I had children I wouldn't have just left pills sitting on the counter....I will just die (not literally) if something happens to one of my precious furbabies!

I'm pretty sure I win the award for the most money paid to a vet in a 2 month period.  Between the dogs and now the cats our savings is non-existent!  I'm really hoping that nobody expects a Christmas gift from us this year...

Please pray for my precious babies....

 

One Step Forward.....Two Steps Back

After my last post, where I declared that my dog is a superstar and I'm rocking this whole "post-surgery recovery" thing....Well, things took a turn (and not for the better).

Last Wednesday evening I was driving Lainey home from doggy daycare and she let out a huge yelp from her cage in the back of the car.  I immediately turned around to check on her, but she was laying down and seemed fine.  We carried out the rest of the evening in our normal manner and she was showing no signs that anything was wrong.

That same night we went to bed and Lainey seemed a little restless.  She seemed like she couldn't get comfortable and would get up repeatedly, walk in a circle and lay back down.  A few hours after falling asleep I was awakened by a blood curdling yelp from her.  I jumped up, grabbed my glasses off the nightstand and she was once again just laying down in her cage.  I slept with her the rest of the night and she seemed a lot more comfortable and a lot less restless.

In the morning when I got her up, I noticed that she was refusing to walk on her leg.  I looked it over and didn't see anything out of the ordinary so I assumed it was probably just sore. 

She continued to not use that leg for the rest of the week.  I was even having trouble getting through her therapy because she DID NOT want me touching her leg.  But, other than not putting any weight on the leg, she seemed normal.  Her eating habits had not changed and she was still perky and wanting to play.

Then Saturday came and her whole demeanor changed.  Not only was she not wanting to put any weight on the leg, but she was not even willing to stand up.  You had to force her into a standing position when it was time to go potty.  By Saturday evening she started shaking, and refused to eat.  You could tell she was not feeling good.  At this point my husband and I started discussing whether we should call the emergency vet or not.  We decided to wait until Sunday and see if she improved any. 

 By Sunday she was feeling a little better but she slept most of the day.  We decided to wait until Monday morning to call the surgeon and not take her to the emergency vet.  Not only would it be cheaper, but the surgeon obviously knows her history and we felt more comfortable having him calling the shots.

Our jack russell, Stewie, must have known that Lainey wasn't feeling well, because he wouldn't leave her side for most of the day on Sunday.  The dogs get along great, but Stewie tends to keep to himself most of the time and it isn't very often that he will "cuddle" up next to her.  At one point Sunday afternoon I was laying on the floor with Lainey while she napped.  I got up to use the bathroom and this is what I saw when I walked back into the room.

My heart was overflowing.....Big brother Stewie knew just what to do.

Doesn't Lainey just look miserable in that last picture? 

Anyways.....long story short, Lainey had an appointment with the surgeon last night.   My biggest fear was that she tore the ACL replacement band that they put in during surgery and that we would be back at square one.  My stomach was in knots all day yesterday.

Fortunately, the x-rays showed that everything was perfect!!!  He thinks that she may have "tweaked" her leg and then tried to stand on it and due to the extreme pain she has refused to use that leg again, anticipating it to hurt like that every time. As for the shaking and the lack of appetite...those are both symptoms from the pain and are normal.  Needless to say, we are back on pain meds for the time being.  Doctor thinks that in a week or so she should be progressing as well as before.  We will continue with her therapy and take things day by day.  I will definitely not rush her recovery and will let her take it at her own pace.

It's frustrating having to take "two steps back", but it could have been much worse. 

And since we are on the topic....here is a picture of Lainey's back legs.  You will notice all the wrinkles in her left leg...this is all the muscle she has lost since surgery.  It makes me sad :(

So we are back at square one, but I still love her to death and will do anything to help in the recovery process.  Wish me luck (and patience)!

It was all worth it

Lainey's stitches came out today and the surgeon said that of all the ACL surgeries he has conducted, that she is in the top 90% as far as recovery. I am beyond thrilled. He said most dogs are still only walking on 3 legs by now and have not even attempted touching even their toes on the ground. She is completely walking on ALL FOUR legs! 

 

The surgeon was very impressed with her flexibility in the leg and pretty much gave me a high-five for following the therapy instructions.  I guess not many people do what they should and then expect results they aren't getting.  Yay for mama (and of course the ladies at daycare) for being consistent with her post-operation instructions.

 

Normally it isn’t until we go back in 3 weeks for another check-up, that he would instruct us to start taking small walks (about 5-10 min), but we get to START TODAY!!!! Yesssss!  The fresh air is going to do both of us some good.

I am feeling so much better today….I can finally say that the past 12 days of hell have been worth it. 

 

Let's hope that Lainey continues to progress in the right direction!

 

And can we get an Amen for mama for not giving up....Aaaaaa-MEN!!!

 

 

Update: Day 6

During my meeting with the Dr after Lainey's surgery, he mentioned that the first 3 days were going to be the most difficult.  HE WAS RIGHT!!!  She looked miserable, would whine in her sleep (from pain I'm assuming), she wouldn't drink any water, was unbalanced walking on 3 legs, put up a fight whenever it was time for physical therapy, and hated the cold compress. 

Doesn't she look pathetic.....

But then day 4 rolled around and I got a small glimpse of my "puppy" again.  She was perkier, her ears were standing up, and her energy level had increased.  I didn't have to fight her to do her therapy, she took her meds like a champ and her overall demeanor had improved greatly. 

Day 5 was her first day at daycare and they said she did fantastic.  I don't know what I would do without those wonderful ladies...they sent home a chart with me last night showing me when she ate, took her meds, did therapy, got a cold compress, went potty, drank water, etc.  Anything and everything that they thought I would like to know, they wrote down for me. 

Today is Day 6 and she was extremely tired looking this morning.  Although, we did have a good therapy session before I dropped her off at daycare.

I hope and pray that every day we start to see improvement.

For those of you with a weak stomach...Look away now!!

Here is a picture of Lainey's incision on Day 1

As of today, the swelling has gone down substantially, the bruising is almost gone and the incision site looks like it is healing nicely.  The staples come out next Monday and I will post another picture so you can see the improvement. 

Update: Day 1

Picked up Lainey and she is here with me in the office today. She looks like one pitiful little girl :( Surgeon said the injury was a lot worse than what he was expecting. The lower portion of her leg wasn't aligned up with the upper portion any longer and she had formed some bone spur type things (little bits of bone growing in odd places).  She also formed some arthritis in that leg, so now we will have to deal with that too.

 

Here she is with her "cold compress" and being the best little patient a doctor (aka mama) could ask for.

 

 

 

 

To you she is "Just a Dog", to me "She is Family"

Today is the day....Surgery for Lainey to repair her torn ACL.

So far I have cried in the shower…cried on the way to the vet….cried after I left the vet...and cried once at my desk!  It was so hard to leave her there.  She was so scared and shaking so badly.  As they took her from me and started heading down the long corridor, she turned around and looked at me and I lost it.  Animals are so hard because they don’t understand.
 
The surgeon came out to the lobby and talked with me for a little bit this morning to try and calm my nerves.  I thought it was very nice of him, but he said NOTHING that made me feel better. 

I don’t think I’m upset over the actual surgery.  I know the surgeon will do his best and is very qualified.  I think it is the recovery process that has my stomach in knots.  I don’t know how to keep her physically contained for that long and still make sure she is a “happy” dog.  Actually…I think that is exactly what is upsetting me.  I want to make sure that she is always happy and most of all feels loved.  I spend too much of my time researching and learning about pit bulls and 90% of the stories will shred your heart into a million pieces.  I don’t ever want her to experience anything negative like those “other dogs”.

I know this is going to turn into a positive thing once she is all healed and can run and play like a puppy again, but getting to that point is going to be a struggle.  I've been told “I love too hard” and I think that’s true (with both people and animals).

 

Please keep Lainey (and myself) in your prayers today!  Hope to come back with an update tomorrow or Friday.

 

 

We can do it

We are now on our 9th day of keeping Lainey on bed rest because of her torn ACL.  The first 6-7 days weren't that bad because she was in pain and would sleep most of the day due to her pain medication.  The last 48 hours however, have been torture.  Her pain is obviously improving because she wants so badly to play and simply get out and run!

Surgery is next Wednesday so we only have to deal with her being stressed for another few days...we can do it!  But, what really scares me is after the surgery.  I know the first couple weeks she won't feel the greatest, but what are we going to do after that?  It is impossible to keep her occupied and "resting" 24 hours a day.  My stress and anxiety are at an all-time high right now anticipating her recovery process.

My heart just breaks when I see her so sad...And I hate being the "bad guy" who makes her stay caged up all day long.  Hopefully, she won't hold any grudges after this is all said and done!

I mean...Look at how pathetic she looks

Stressed to the Max

I apologize for my absence....Life has taken over!

As I sit at my desk on this brisk Monday morning, with an ice pack on my back, a bottle of pain killers next to me and black bags under my eyes, I realized that maybe it's time for me to slow down.  I've been go, go, go for about 3 weeks now and my body is finally telling me it needs some rest.

It all started like this.....

There was a huge landscaping project that I knew I wanted finished before winter, so I decided to take the week before Labor Day off from work and get it accomplished.  And since I was already going to be off work, what a perfect time to have a garage sale (yes, that is how my twisted mind thinks)!

On Tuesday morning there were 15 yards of stone dumped on the side of my house.  It took 2 loads to bring it, as the truck could only hold 10 yards at a time.

Load #1

My little brother and I worked for 2 days spreading stone and laying edgers.  It was way harder than I had anticipated.

I was so excited that I forgot to take any "before" pictures.  I just happened to come across this old picture this morning though, so it will have to do.  Please disregard the numbers hanging from our dog run...I was spray painting our table numbers for our wedding.




"BEFORE"

 

"AFTER"



I know that our lawn is not the best looking.....that is next years project!

 

 

"Before" shot of the opposite side of the yard (we only added stone to the back corner and all the way up the side to the left.  You will also notice in the "after" picture our new fence)



"AFTER"

We worked on the rocks Tuesday and Wednesday, then Thursday we started pulling everything out for the garage sale the next day.  I had no idea how much stuff we had!!!  My original thought when I planned the garage sale, was to hopefully make enough money to pay for the rocks.  My new thought quickly became.... PRICE LOW AND GET RID OF EVERYTHING! And that's exactly what we did.  I can happily say that we started out Friday morning with ten 8' folding tables, a rolling closet with hanging clothes, a 15' long rack of hanging clothes, and tons of stuff just laying out in our yard.  By the time we shut down on Saturday I was able to pack all of the remaining items into 4 plastic storage totes!  AHHHH-MAZING!!  And the extra bonus is that we made enough money to pay for over 80% of the cost of the rocks.

 

By Saturday evening I was exhausted, but it was the opener for Michigan football so we decided to go over to my parents house to watch the game.  While we were there I noticed that Lainey wasn't acting herself.  Kind of low-key, not wanting to play with the other dogs and really keeping to herself.  As the evening went on I noticed that she had started limping (again) and she couldn't even get herself in standing position by herself if she was laying down.

 

Long story short....by Tuesday she could no longer walk on her own, so after talking to the vet for about 45 minutes on the phone, we decided to put her under anesthesia and do some testing.  She has been having problems with this same leg since May and we have tried bed rest, chiropractor, acupuncture, supplements...obviously, nothing has been successful.

 

The end result is that she has a torn ACL in her left knee and will undergo surgery next Wednesday.  In the meantime, we have to keep her "contained" as to not further damage the ligaments.

 

Here is her new "hospital room" as we call it

She has been confined to this space about 99% of the time since Wednesday and she is handling it very well.  I think it is harder on me to see her like this, than it is for her actually being stuck in there.

You can tell she doesn't feel well

Our jack russel, Stewie, sits on the outside peering in through the holes in the gate at her.  He can't understand why she can't come out and play.  So, every once in a while, we let him in there with her for "visiting hours".

Please keep us in your thoughts and pray that surgery goes okay next week.  I will try to keep everyone posted.

It's time to apply the ice pack to my back again so I must go....Until next time!









Doctor Doctor Give Me The News

For the past few months, my pit bull Lainey has been having some issues with one of her back legs.  She will limp for a couple days, then refuse to walk on it for a day, limp for a couple more days and then she is fine.  It seems to happen every couple of weeks...in that same order...limp for 2 days, refuse to put weight on it for 1 day, then limp for 2 more days.  We have had her to the vet a couple times to have it looked at, but they have been unable to diagnose the problem without putting her under and doing some x-rays. We are sent home with some pain killers/anti-inflammatory meds and bed rest.

Do you have any idea what it is like to have an active puppy put on bed rest?  It is miserable to say the least.  We are unable to take our nightly walks, our weekend hikes, no running/jumping of any kind, no doggy daycare and the worst...having to go out for potty breaks on a leash instead of having free roam of the backyard.

We have been doing a lot of mental exercises to tire her out, but it just isn't the same as doing physical activities.

The logical answer is to just have her put under with anesthesia and let them do the x-ray, but I just hate the idea of having to do that.  She was put under with anesthesia when she was spayed and she didn't react very well when she was "coming out" from her slumber.  I just hate to do that to her again without trying other non-conventional routes first.

Today we are going to see a specialist who will do some chiropractic work and acupuncture on her.  This doctor comes highly recommended and I'm looking forward to see what she has to say about our situation.

I know it won't be an immediate cure, but I'm hoping this is a great alternative to the idea of needing x-rays and possibly surgery.  Chiropractic/acupuncture therapy is supposed to have great benefits for dogs experiencing muscle and/or joint pain.  I will let you know my thoughts after our session today.

Have any of you tried alternative methods for your pets?

Cancer Sucks

Cancer is a horrible, horrible thing!  Eight years ago I was diagnosed with cervical cancer and it was the first time in my life that I can remember feeling that scared.  Thank goodness it was in the first stages and could be removed through surgery. 

Six years ago I lost the most brilliant man I have ever known to cancer....my grandfather.  The pain of watching his health deteriorate is something I wish I could erase from memory.  It is so emotional to watch someone go through these physical changes.  And even more horrendous to watch them die slowly.

Yesterday we lost another family member to cancer.  He made it more than 4 years when doctors only gave him 2-3, but that is 4 years he lived with this hopeless prognosis. And so much like my maternal grandfather, he slowly deteriorated while his body had a hard time maintaining itself.

My heart aches for my dad.  It was a year ago on April 4 that he had to bury his son, and now he has to bury his father.  I would like to shake my fist up to the heavens and say "enough is enough", but I'm smart enough to know that God has a plan. 

Rest in Peace Richard!

Richard Shaw

On the Mend

After a whirlwind few months of constantly being on the go....my body shut down last week.  It was 11 days of getting out of bed or off the couch only in emergency situations (using the restroom, heating up chicken broth, going to the hospital, etc).

If I could only put into words the illness that I just recovered from.  The correct term would be pneumonia, but it was so much more than that.  My body literally shut down on me.  There were days I physically could not move.  Lifting my head for even the slightest thing was exhausting and nauseating all in the same breath.

On the worst of days, I couldn't even get myself to the bathroom to urinate.  My husband was a trooper and kept bringing me clean clothes and washing my soiled ones.

To sum it up....it was horrible.

But, on a brighter note....I am now back to work and the holidays are just around the corner.  And needless to say, the next time my body tells me to slow down I will surely listen!

Retail Therapy

I'm in desparate need of some retail therapy.  I can't even tell you the last time I went shopping for clothes.  It had to have been a few years ago when I lost 30 lbs and didn't have a single thing that fit me.  Well, I'm in that same boat again except this time it's because I've gained back almost the 30 lbs and nothing I have fits me.

My problem, which I'm sure is common, is that I don't want to spend a lot of money on clothes to fit this "size" because I don't want to be this size.  But, I've been saying this same thing to myself for almost 6 months now and I haven't done a single thing to try and lose weight.

I'm actually typing this after just finishing a double cheeseburger from Sonic....Ughhhh!  What is my problem?  I can't say NO to anything food related lately and it's killing me (and doing major damage to my butt and thighs).  The other night my husband wanted chocolate chip cookies and I ended up eating 4 of them right out of the oven.  And then ate another 3 at lunch the next day. 

And what is even more disturbing is that I don't feel the least bit guilty after eating all that junk.  In the past I always got very emotional after I would binge.  The guilt always got the best of me and made for a very stressed out girl.  But, the guilt would sometimes help me refrain from making bad food choices. 

I need to make some changes....both physically and mentally. I need to start taking responsibility for my actions.  I need to stop complaining about my weight since I am not doing anything about it.  I need to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Physical Therapy

After 7-8 months of hip pain, I finally decided to make an appointment with my doctor.  The result was a physical therapy recommendation.

I'm currently in my 2nd week of PT and can finally see that maybe this is what I needed.  At this time we are trying to "strengthen" my hip by doing a lot of stretches and small leg exercises. 

I will update in a couple weeks to update my progress.

Still finding it hard to cope....

Next Thursday marks 4 months since my brothers death and I'm still finding it hard to cope.  It is difficult to lose anyone you love, but losing a sibling is traumatic and devastating to the whole family.

Losing my brother just feels like life is out of order.  He was too young to die....a child should not die before a parent.  It simply IS NOT FAIR!

The most difficult part of the loss is that we still don't know the "cause of death".  Waiting on autopsy results is excruciatingly painful.  In order to move on with my life I need to understand what really happened.  Could the death been prevented?  Was it an accident?  Was it caused on purpose?  I am in desperate need to know the answers to these questions.

There is also the GUILT....I have often felt that I should have been the one to die instead of my brother.  He had overcome so many obstacles in his life and was just starting to "live".  There is also the guilt that comes from "if I would have just made more time to see him".  Life gets busy and sometimes it seems like such an inconvenience to plan get-togethers.  And most nights I was too tired from a long day at work to pick up the phone and call.  I hadn't seen my brother in months before he passed away and I have not forgiven myself.

It was so hard watching my parents experience the grief of losing a child.  We've all tried to move on and in doing so, we have stopped talking about it.  For me it feels like I am living a dual life...one living in total grief and one totally ignoring it.  It's exhausting and difficult to keep up. 

My brother, Chris, and I on my wedding day last July