It wasn't until we bought and hung a huge mirror in our bedroom over the weekend that I really was able to see what I had done to myself. I have known for weeks now that my clothes aren't fitting. I have been having to pull out bigger sizes from the garage sale bags in the basement, but I couldn't see with my own eyes the damage the past few months have had on my body.
Another slap in the face was yesterday at the doctor's office. It was a checkup appointment following a procedure I had done 4 weeks ago and when I stepped on the scales my jaw almost hit the floor. In just 4 weeks I had gained 8 lbs.
I spent the last 18-20 hours obsessing about my weight and my body image. I went over and over my weight loss journey and thought about my lifestyle and my food choices during each phase.
In June 2009 when I started Weight Watchers I weighed 157 lbs. By November 2009 I was down 30 lbs. During this phase I was what you would call a "die hard". I journaled every item I consumed and meticulously counted points. I was so happy with myself and my image. From February 2010 to about September 2010 I was maintaining at a healthy 132-134 lbs. I could eat what I wanted as long as I kept my portions right and everything in moderation. I did not journal and only tracked my points in my head. I was happy at this weight and still loved the way my clothes fit and how my body looked.
From October-December 2010 I had a lot of personal things going on in my life and I pretty much gave up on myself and gave up on weight watchers. My weight loss journey no longer played an important role. Which leads me to today...I am a hot mess! I am less than 10 lbs away from being back to my heaviest weight. How did I let this happen? Don't answer that because I know full well how this happened.
But, it is not important how I got here, it's what am I going to do now that I've arrived. And what I'm going to do is this:
Set new goals...
- I have a bathing suit I bought on my honeymoon that I fully intend on wearing this summer
- I will journal my meals and track points
- I will "get physical"...even if it's just using my wii workouts until the weather gets nicer
- I will take healthy snacks/lunches to work and not rely on the vending machine to fulfill my needs
- I will plan our dinners so there is no need for a fast food run