Today has been a weird day for me. Actually, in all honesty, the whole week has been weird....who am I kidding, things haven't been right for months. I'm in this funk that I just can't get out of.
I have known for months now that I am overweight but recently I just "ballooned" up. This was proven when my sister took a picture of me last week on my birthday......I WAS HUGE! At first I thought maybe it was the angle of the camera and then I saw myself in another photo and realized that the way "I" see myself in the mirror is actually better than what I actually look like. I really took this hard. I can't believe I look so horrible!
This weight gain has really affected all parts of my life. I used to be the girl who was totally into fashion and shopping and now it's the two things I hate the most because nothing fits and I refuse to believe that I'm a size 12-14 when most of my clothes are a size 8. I have to dress up for work and I don't have a single pair of dress slacks that I can keep buttoned. I have to wear big jackets over my pants so I can unbutton them 1/2 way through the work day because they are gouging into my stomach. I've resorted to nothing but sweats and t-shirts and I'm just not happy about it. I make excuses to all my friends when they invite me out because I know they will look all cute and perfect, and I'll be in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I can't let anyone see me like this. I'm doing my best to stay hidden from the outside world.
And the more I stress about the weight gain........THE MORE I EAT!!! For example....I had to go to the doctor last week and the nurse felt it her duty to mention to me that I've gained 27 lbs since I was there last summer...........Well, DUH! Look at me......I'm hideous! So what do I do when I leave the doctor's office? Run to Schlotskey's Deli and get a sandwich with 30 grams of fat and like 500 calories. (And that doesn't include the chips I had with it). And the cycle continues...... I'm an emotional eater. When I'm stressed/depressed I eat and then after I eat, it makes me more stressed/depressed and so I eat some more. It's a vicious cycle that I need to stop.
For shits and giggles I decided to check Jenny Craigs website this morning because my girlfriend is doing it and she lost 9lb and 4 inches by her first weigh in! They have this part where you can put in your height and weight and it gives you your BMI. Well, I should have been more prepared for what I was about to see because when I saw the ginormous words on my 20" monitor......YOU ARE OVERWEIGHT........I actually lost my breath for a brief moment.
I can't be overweight........I'm just a little "pudgy".............What do they know, they can't even see me.......But I was one of the skinniest people at Panera Bread this morning when ordering my chocolate chip cookies and smoothie.........crap, I forgot to pack my lunch today so I think I'll go to McDonalds..........I can't be overweight.........
Really, honest to god...those are the things that went through my head after reading that. Not one single thought about nutrition or working out......is there any hope for me? My wedding is going to be here before you know it and I just can't look like this. I've thought about doing Jillian's 30-day shred, but I just don't know if that's a good way to start. Should I start with something so BIG (meaning something that will cause my lungs to collapse and my muscles to hurt like I'm being tortured because that's what I've heard Jillian does to people) or should I start slow with something like walking or riding bike? I also have an elliptical at home, maybe I should just jump on that every night and see where it takes me. I just don't know.......I talk a lot of talk, but really that's all it is. I've been saying for over a year that I need to lose wieight, that I'm so out of shape, that I need to eat better........but have I actually made any changes to my life....NO!!!
That's where I'm hoping you all come in.........I need a "push" and I need some positive reinforcement! Please help me......tell me what to do and how to get started. I need to lose some weight but I hate the word diet. Am I too far to do this alone......should I do WW or Jenny Craig? Help me PLEASE!!!
For those of you interested......here is what I saw on my computer screen that caused this post to take place!!
Your BMI is 28.7
25 - 29.9 You are Overweight
4 hours ago