A.K.A. Debbie Downer

I really hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I feel like I'm overwhelmed with every aspect of my life right now.

I am freshly coming off a 9 day vacation and I don't feel any better today than I did 2 weeks ago.  Is that normal?  Don't most people come back from vacation feeling refreshed and ready to face the world?

I don't feel like thinking long enough to write in paragraphs so you are getting bullet points!

• I'm tired!!!  No matter how much sleep I get....I am still tired!  And not necessarily tired like I need to take a nap, but more like I need to sit down and just relax
• My job sucks!!!  Yes, I am thankful to have a job....but that doesn't mean I can't hate every minute of every day that I am there.  I am over used and under paid and it's taking a toll on me.
• I'm sad!!!  The loss of Walker is still affecting me.  And watching Tucker mope around the house doesn't help!  I wonder if I will ever get rid of the guilt I feel over the whole pill incident.
• I'm broke!!!  Between all of the money we have spent on Lainey and her chiropractor appointments, her acupuncture, the surgery, the trips to the emergency vet, her medications, daycare fees, etc...and then the emergency vet appointments with both cats, the cremation fees, etc...we have spent a huge chunk of money the past 4 months.  It is money that we had (in savings), but nonetheless, it makes me stressed to think about not having that "comfort" just in case we need it.  I can probably bet on the fact that this will probably be the year our furnace will go out...just our luck!
• Christmas!!!  My entire life Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year.  It is a time spent with family and friends, everyone is happy, and Christmas music makes my heart skip a beat!  This year it feels different.  This year it is so stressful.  The holiday is losing it's meaning (not to me, but to others close to me).  I am actually thinking of boycotting and spending Christmas with only my husband. 

I just realized that this list could go on forever and I like you too much to put you through that kind of torture so I will end now!

Actually, here are a couple "happy" pictures from my vacation....that way the blog-o-sphere won't consider me a total Debbie Downer.

Walker is "HOME"!!

Last night I picked up Walker's ashes.  It was such mixed emotions...I cried and cried the whole way home, but once I got him inside, I felt like he was "home" again and a sense of calm came over me.

The second I walked through the door Tucker was all over me.  I finally took out the urn and sat it on the counter and Tucker was rubbing all over it.  My heart literally broke into a million pieces.

I'm not sure how to explain Tucker's reaction to the urn, but it continued all night long.  No matter where I put the urn, Tucker would find it and meow like crazy.  I would take it out of the bag it came in and he would rub all over it.

I ended up having to put it in one of our closets because Tucker just would not leave it alone and it broke my heart to watch his reaction.

This worries me because I ordered a ceramic black cat urn to transfer the ashes to, but I am concerned that Tucker will knock it over and break it.  I will have to see what happens.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't be writing this post...unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world! On the other hand, if the circumstances must be....I at least feel like I have some peace now that Walker is HOME with us again.

Welcome back buddy....Mommy loves you and misses you every day!!!

R.I.P Walker

I can't even begin to describe the pain in my heart! 

We lost one of our family members Friday...

R.I.P Walker

I will never forgive myself for letting him eat one of those pills, which ultimately was the beginning of the end for him. He was suffering from kidney failure and I know I did the right thing by putting him to sleep, but it doesn't make the pain hurt any less. I don't know if I will ever love another 4-legged animal the way I loved him. There was definitely a special bond between Walker and mama and I will hold onto those memories forever. 

Not the best picture of me....but this is the last photo I took of Walker. 
This is a great example of how loving he was.  He would sleep every night with his arms wrapped around my neck...I sure do miss that!  {tear}

R.I.P Walker...you will forever be in our heart!