Want some cheese with that whine?

I'm having an "off" day.  I kind of just feel like an emotional mess (and no, it's not that time of the month).

It's hard to put into words what I'm feeling.  It's a little bit of fear, a lot of sadness, and a splash of insecurity. 

Summer is coming to an end, which I am okay with, because Fall in Michigan is my 2nd favorite time of the year.  But, I am feeling like I didn't really "do" anything this summer.  Five years down the road am I going to have any memories of summer 2011? 

I feel like I am stuck in a rut.  Following the same routine every.single.day!!  I have not spent nearly enough time with my family this summer and I haven't seen my girlfriends in months.  I know we all get busy and life tends to "take over", but this is not how I want to live.  I want time spent with my nephews, shopping trips with my sister and wine shared between girlfriends.  I want days spent with my parents and siblings, laughing until our side aches.  I want these things so badly, but instead of actually making it happen, I sulk about it.

I'm really good at whining, crying and complaining about all the things that make me unhappy....but horrible at actually "doing something about it". 

Case in point:  I lost 30 lbs in 2009 and managed to maintain that loss through most of 2010.  But, as ashamed as I am to admit it...I have gained back 23 of those pounds I lost.  Instead of getting off my butt to do something about it, I decided to eat 2 packs of Nutter Butters and whine about it on my blog.

In general, life is so good right now.  The problem, is that I am so concentrated on the things that make me sad, scared and insecure that I am missing out on opportunities to do things that make me happy, fulfilled and secure.

I need to make a change.  I need to "stop and smell the roses".  I need to learn how to find happiness in the most mundane situations.  I need to start...now!