Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Losing Sight of the Big Picture

First of all....Mom, this post is for you!! (she told me I hadn't posted anything lately)

Tonight I'm doing another walk thru at McCamly Plaza to look at the ballroom again. My mom is going with me and also my sister Rachel so I can't wait!

And that little note has now led me to the following portion of my post........I'm starting to have extreme anxiety over any and all wedding related issues. I notice that anytime I'm reading a wedding blog or even having thoughts in my head concerning the wedding that my anxiety level takes a huge spike. My first instinct was "Oh God, maybe I'm not ready to get married" then my next was "I can't do this alone maybe I need a wedding planner" which always leads to questions about money and should we wait another year...yada yada yada In the end, I'm finding that I'm actually getting stressed from the un-stated assumption that all brides need to be doing the same things. The things on those dreaded wedding "lists." If you are not doing these things, or worse, if it's never occurred to you to do these things, you might start freaking out wondering what you are doing wrong or can you even do this at all. Not to mention all those "budget worksheets" that totally freak me out when I try to input figures. I've decided that what works for me, might not work for someone else. And as far as I'm concerned, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with someone telling me I spent too much money on a venue. In my opinion, I can't put a price on the fact that my "husband" will be able to roam freely around the room without worries of being in someones way or that he can't get access to someone or something that he wants/needs. I'm okay with the fact that I'm not doing party favors. I also believe that I can feel like a princess in my wedding gown for under $500. And who says that every wedding has to have some magnificant wedding cake? I don't even like cake! And who says that floral centerpieces surrounded by votives are mandatory wedding decor? And why do I need chandeliers hanging from trees? And photographers that cost $3-5K? And who was it that said having a buffet style dinner is innapropriate for a formal wedding? I find that there are certains aspects to the wedding planning process that are very important to me and I will spend my budget accordingly. I want a really, really good DJ. The kind of DJ that people will talk about. The kind of DJ who can keep 100 people dancing all night. The kind of DJ that we beg to stay because no one wants to leave. But that's just me....that's who I am.....and this is MY wedding.

I have found that brides need to find a way to not judge ourselves as we're planning our weddings. The big money, big energy, one perfect day, your big day, the best day of your life, the details really matter concept of a wedding that is taken as gospel in large parts of the wedding world is damaging. It is emotionally warping and is bad news for our sanity, our relationships and our wallets. It takes our eyes off the "prize", it makes us focus on parts of our wedding that don't really matter (like the favors) instead focusing on parts of our wedding that really do matter (the love for our family and friends). I need to find a way to stop thinking "I'm never going to live up to everyone's expectations" or "OMG, I'm not doing this right" or "I want a simple wedding day but it's impossible". I need to step back and realize that I'm going to do this MY way, and that is so much better than doing it someone elses way!

Sorry for the long post, but man it feels good to get that off my chest! Happy Wednesday!


RealRach said...

So let's think back shall we...say 15 years. What do you remember the most from my wedding? Here's my best memory: I had several people come up to me an tell me that this was the funnest wedding they have been too. No one, your decor was fabulous, the cake was huge, the dinner was so tasty. They said they had FUN. THAT IS ALL IT IS ABOUT. So forget the tiny details allow yourself to have FUN. Let us have fun! We don't need little tiny details around every corner. We want to see you smile like you have never smiled before. I want Don to know that I love him as a family member. I want Don to know that we truly accept him into our family and are greatful for what he has done for you. There are unusual cirucumstances with Don but who gives a rat's ass. As long as he is 100% comfortable and able to move...screw the rest. Life is about living. Live it up that day. It is over before you know it and in 15 years you won't even really remember what you had to eat or what flavor you cake even was. That's not why you are there. You will remember that first time you look at Don and see that little smile in eyes that only YOU can give him. THAT is what matters.

So have $2 worth on this topic now too.

Shaw229 said...

Remember my dad's ( your grandpa ) favorite song??? " I DID IT MY WAY ". You should listen to it again. I can hear him singing it in my head. So in other words, just do it YOUR way!!!!! Love you, MOM