No Regrets

I am one of the few women who never wanted children.  I adore my nephews, but even as a young adult I had no intentions of having any of my own. 

But then I met a handsome fella and we got married, bought a house and joined our 'families'.  He had 2 children already (who were teenagers when we met), but I started to want my own. 

Due to the fact that my husband is a paraplegic and I had had cervical cancer, we decided to see a specialist to discuss our options.  Soon after that appointment, the so-called "urge" was gone, so we decided not to move forward.  I enjoy our life and for many reasons I don't care to discuss here, we cancelled all future doctor appointments and have never really discussed the topic since.

But, every year around Christmas I get a little depressed.  I tend to think of all the things I won't be doing this year.  I won't attend any Christmas programs at school, I won't make anything awesome from Pinterest for my child's teacher, I won't be able to play Santa, and most of all, I can't pass along the Christmas family traditions that I grew up knowing and loving.

I've learned that the best way to cure this feeling is for me to spend some extra special time with all the little ones around me.  I've got a special date with one of my nephews tonight and I can't wait!

I don't regret the decision my husband and I made, but that doesn't mean I can't dream every now and again of what it would be like to some day be called "mommy"!

Every Game Counts

I don't watch many sports on tv except for University of Michigan football.....GO BLUE!!  I love college football over any other sport.  in addition to college football, my husband likes to watch the Detroit Lions and the Detroit Tigers, but I generally find myself doing something else when it is on.

That is until the Detroit Tigers made it into the playoffs.  I'm really into it and find myself cheering loudly while my husband looks at me strange.

The only thing I don't like about playoffs are the late night games.  Last week there were 2 games that went past 1:00 a.m. ON A WEEKDAY!!!  Thankfully, work has been a little slow, but I am dying!  Staying up to watch these games is really taking a toll on me.  I normally start my bedtime routine about 9 p.m. and nowadays, they are only in the first few innings by 9:00.

Last night I finally fell asleep around 11 p.m., but woke up around 3 a.m. and had to immediately check facebook to see who won.

Game 4 against the Yankees is on tonight at 8:07pm EST, but I have made a promise to myself that no matter what is happening in the game, I have to be sleeping no later than 10:00 p.m.

What team/sport do you tend to follow?

 

Anniversary #2

Tuesday, July 10 was my 2nd wedding anniversary.  I was more than happy to celebrate, seeing that our 2nd year of being married, was so much better than our first. We are truly falling into our husband/wife roles and life is so good!

I did a lot of reminiscing about our wedding day....and 2 years later I still smile ear to ear with the memories of the love I felt that day.  I can honestly say that my wedding day was one of the BEST days of my life so far.

I can remember being on cloud nine...all day....all night!  I've never smiled so hard in one day in all of my life.  I couldn't help it!  Love oozed out of every corner of that tent and I never expected to feel that.

I'm so glad everybody came...I'm so glad my DIY projects were a success...I'm so glad we composed our own ceremony...I'm so glad we didn't elope...But, most of all, I'm so glad ALL of my siblings were able to surround me with their love and support.

There are 2 sisters missing from this photo
(note:  I lost my brother Chris last year...he's the tall one on the left...so I will always cherish my wedding
as being the last "family" event for us all to celebrate together as ONE)

The night was spent laughing, catching up with old friends, screaming with joy, cheering and dancing.  I felt gorgeous and was making a life-altering promise to the man I love and nothing else mattered.

And....did I mention dancing?  Oh boy, did we ever dance!

I will always cherish these memories and I look forward to reminiscing about our wedding day for many, many more years to come!

What's Your Sleep Number?

I really want to jump right into the point of this post, but I thought maybe a little back story was necessary, so here goes.....

A few months back we had a new PT do a home visit for my husband.  While he was there, he started asking questions about our Tempurpedic bed and suggested that we should try a Sleep by Number bed.  As a result of my husband being a paraplegic, he sometimes gets legs spasms while he sleeps and this therapist thought a different type of bed would be the answer to this problem.

He recommended a few different models and told us to visit a Sleep by Number store. 

After the store visit, we found out that insurance had approved us for the "high-end" model and we were quite excited.  It has adjustable head and foot positions, massagers for your head and feet and of course the adjustable comfort level that these beds are famous for.

Long story short....I took the day off work yesterday to be there when the new bed was delivered and I was pretty excited.  I couldn't wait to try out the new massagers, watch a little TV while in the upright position, and of course...find my sleep number!

After a long, restless and sleepless night I would like to report that we HATE the bed!  Yes, hate is a strong word, but if I could light it with a match and set it on fire....I WOULD!!!

Yes, the adjustable head/foot option is nice, but the massagers send my husband into severe spasms and the worst part is almost being bounced out of bed by my husband every time he changes position.

I don't think this bed is going to work out for us.  I guess we never realized how good we had it with our Tempurpedic.  Most of all, the lack of motion transfer between partners makes the Tempurpedic the winner a hundred times over again.

Thank goodness for the 30 day trial....This bed is being returned.

Now we just need to figure out how to get our old bed back into our room so we can actually get some sleep tonight.

**This is not an advertisement for Tempurpedic, nor was I asked to write this.  This is my own personal opinion.

In a Rut

I've been in a rut the past couple weeks (and maybe longer).  I'm just not HAPPY and feel like I very rarely smile anymore.   

I am missing my family and feeling very distant from my girl friends, which leaves me feeling very lonely. 

I've been at the same job for 9 years and it is starting to feel like the same thing EVERY day.  I am growing tired of my co-workers and I haven't had a raise in years (even though my job duties have grown immensely).  I'm just plain sick and tired of this environment.

I'm overweight (again) and can't seem to get it under control.  I have no clothes that fit me and tend to survive most evenings and weekends in sweatpants.  And nobody, I mean nobody, feels good about their appearance when they are in sweatpants.

I've got so many projects at home that need done, but I can't find the energy to pull myself off the couch on most days.  I do my general house cleaning on Saturday mornings and the rest of the weekend is spent doing nothing productive.

I feel so bad for my dear husband.  He tries his best, but it's hard.  How do you make someone happy when they don't really want to be?  I mean, it's not that I don't want to be happy, but I just don't know what needs to be done to get me there.

I'm hoping this is just a phase!  Maybe when the weather gets nicer I will snap out of it.

Good Day Sunshine

Today has been the best day I've had in weeks. 

I broke out one of my spring(ish) dresses for work, curled my hair and even applied a little bit of makeup.  I think when you look good, you tend to feel good!

Not to mention, the sun is shining and it is a warm, humid 73 degrees today in West Michigan.

I also think that the much needed sleep I got last night, combined with the fact that I have a vacation day tomorrow is helping to brighten my mood.

There is a possibility that I may make a trip to Ikea tomorrow with my sister in law.  I'm beyond excited.  There is no other store that makes me feel all tingly inside, quite the way Ikea does.

And Saturday (St. Patricks Day) is the surprise party for my husband.  I really hope he doesn't know anything about it.  I have slipped a couple times, but I think I covered up pretty well.

Here's to a great 3-day weekend!!

 

One Year

Sunday, March 18 my husband will be sober ONE YEAR! I can't even begin to put into words how proud I am. It has not always been an easy road, but boy has it been worth it.

I am throwing him a surprise party to celebrate his sobriety anniversary. I'm horrible at surprises so I really hope I can pull this off!

I'm already stressing....

Wish me luck!

I hate Valentine's Day

I was going to write a whole post about why I hate Valentine's Day, but then I read this article on CNN and it sums up all my feelings!

Why I hate Valentine's Day

And, on a personal note....My hubby and I got into a huge fight yesterday!  Ughhh!  Our Valentine's Day was awful.  Do you wanna know what the fight was about?  Tator-tot casserole.  Yes, my friends....tator-tot casserole!  Evidently my husband doesn't like cream of mushroom soup used in recipes AND I DIDN'T KNOW THAT! 

Thank God that stupid "day of love" is over!

Not Enough Hours in the Day

So today is my 3rd day back to work after having 11 days off.  And to be completely honest....I need another vacation! I was more busy during those 11 days off, than I would have been had I gone into the office.

My time off consisted of a ton of shopping, 3 Thanksgiving celebrations (all on separate days), holiday decorating (both indoors and out), my sister's birthday, laundry and house cleaning, and spending time with family.  All of these items bring me great joy, but I greatly missed having a single minute alone with my husband during those 11 days.  By the end of my time off, we were so physically exhausted from being on the go, that I think we were both ready for me to go back to work.  At least during a normal work week we have dinner together and get some quality time to talk about our day, upcoming events, etc.  It's hard to put into words how badly I missed those simple conversations.

The good news, is that I have many scheduled days off in December and I am counting down the days until then.  I have promised myself that I will SLOW DOWN and enjoy those days as much as possible.

And because this post was kind of a downer....here is a picture of Lainey displaying her holiday spirit as we decorate the Christmas tree.

One Year

Today is my wedding anniversary! It's been a long year full of ups and downs (definitely more downs). But, we made it through and have come out on the other side happier and more in love than ever.


Happy Anniversary babe...I love you!

All I have is Bullets....

• Today I take both cats to the vet for their annual check up.  This will also be a 2 week check-up for Walker following his trip to the emergency vet for his bladder...I hope I get the news I am hoping for!

• Normally during the Christmas/New Year season I get about 14-16 days off from work.  This year I am only getting 7!  I'm hoping that in those 7 days I can find some time to relax and re-energize!  I'm just exhausted lately and my schedule doesn't allow me a day to veg out until after Christmas.

• I'm addicted to the Hallmark channel....I just love the Christmas movies.  Normally during this time of year I get hooked on Lifetime for the 25 days of Christmas but this year it's definitely the Hallmark channel.

• We are done Christmas shopping all but one person.  I also have almost everything all wrapped and under the tree.  Definitely ahead of schedule considering I'm normally wrapping gifts on Christmas Eve.

• I joined Weight Watchers again last week and they started a new Points Plus program the same day I joined.  It's going to take some getting used to.  I understand the overall concept of the changes, but still have some doubts that the system is actually going to work as well as the old one.  Only time will tell.  I've been tracking my points for 3 days straight and only hope I will continue.  I don't have as much to lose this time, but I should have never allowed myself to get to this point.

• We go a little crazy decorating outside for Christmas and our electrical bill doubled from last month.  We have since added more lights outdoors so I can only imagine what next month's bill will bring.  But, it's totally worth it :-)

• My self esteem has taken a toll lately.  Not only have I gained 14 lbs since my wedding in July, but I am so pasty white.  I can't afford to go to the tanner (and it's not healthy to begin with) and I live in Michigan so it's not like sunshine is available, so I'm feeling a little blah lately.  I even try to wear makeup every once in a while and I still don't feel "pretty".  Ugh...I hate when I get into these funks

• This will be our first Christmas as husband and wife.  I have found that every holiday we have celebrated since our wedding has been so much fun.  Who would have thought that picking out hallmark cards addressed to "husband" would be so exciting!

• I miss my family and friends.  It might be the time of year or it might be that the first half of the year was spent getting together so frequently with them for all my wedding related activities and now I feel like I haven't seen anyone in ages.  I don't live that far from my family or friends (1.5 hrs) but this time of the year is so hectic for everyone.  It's like pulling teeth trying to find a free weekend to get together. 

Fed Ex can suck it

On cyber Monday I was scoping out the online sales and came across a 60"x80" photo blanket that was priced rather decent.  (see image below for idea)

I thought it would be a great personalized gift for my husband by using some of our favorite wedding pictures.  While at work, I took the time to upload all of the pictures to the site and get them in the perfect "collage" setting.

Yesterday I get an email from the vendor stating that my order has been sent to the wrong person and they have issued a refund for the item.  At first I was a little confused so I called the 800 number to speak with a customer service representative to get the details.  As they stated...my item was shipped to the wrong person.  Fed Ex delivered my "personalized" item to the wrong address and to the wrong person!!  Someone (a stranger) is in possession of a blanket covered in pictures of me and my husband!  How could Fed Ex do this?  My NAME and ADDRESS were on the shipment...why would they accept signature from anyone different?  And why would someone sign for a package that had MY NAME on it.  They obviously don't know me so why would they sign for the package!  UGHHHHH.....

I don't know if I'm more frustrated at Fed Ex for their screw up or at the person who signed for the package knowing it wasn't theirs.  If they would have looked at the name/address on the package they could have told Fed Ex they were at the wrong location and then maybe I would have my gift for my husband.  But instead...I have no idea where the item is and there is no way I'm taking the time to make another blanket and upload all those pictures again!

I will refuse to use Fed Ex ever again!!!  It is for this exact reason that my place of employment stopped using them years ago!

Bullets

I've been neglecting to blog lately because I feel like there is either nothing worthwhile to talk about or so much to talk about that I can't begin to put it into words.  So today I've decided to update life using bullet points.

• This upcoming Saturday I'm having Thanksgiving with my in-laws
• Thanksgiving day will be spent with my sister and her family this year as the rest of our family has other priorities
• That same sister turns the big "4-0" on Black Friday..Happy Early Birthday Rachel!
• My hometown highschool football team is playing in the semi-finals this upcoming weekend and if they win they will be competing in the state finals at Ford Field in Detroit the weekend of Thanksgiving.  I am planning on going so I'm praying they win this Saturday
• This past weekend I attended a baby shower of one of my best friends.  I have mixed feelings about the day.  I've come to realize that my "best" friends are failing me...I don't know if we are growing apart, if we lack things in common or I've been naive in who I thought they were.  Either way, it hurts to know life is not the same as it used to be.
• I've gained 13 lbs since my wedding in July and I'm having a terrible time getting motivated to lose it.  I hate the way I look, how my clothes fit, etc, but I can't seem to want to do anything about it.  And worse, the holidays are fast approaching which means lots of BIG meals and baked goods.
• My step-son will be living with us full-time starting in December.  If you remember, he was supposed to move in with us before the new school year started, but my husbands ex-wife changed her mind at the last minute.  As of yesterday she has once again changed her mind...
• I am so burned out on life...especially work.  I have never been so looking forward to some time off.  I will have a long weekend next week for Thanksgiving and hopefully 7-8 days off for Christmas. 
• The time change sucks.  I hate that it is dark out before I even get home from work.
• I'm so ready to decorate for Christmas.  I think we are going to begin bringing out the Christmas decor this weekend.
• As I've stated before...I LOVE Christmas music!  A local radio station began playing it on Monday so I even listen while at work.

There you have it...my life in bullets! 

Life

Life has taken over....Let's just say so much has happened in the past couple weeks that there are days I can barely form words to speak.

To make a long story short, my husband is having some medical problems and it's scaring the living daylights out of me!!  I always knew in the back of my mind that there would come a day that my husbands spinal cord injury would cause him some issues.  I was thinking more like 30 years down the road, not less than 2 months after getting hitched!

The main problem at this point is that there are SO many different things going on, that the doctors can't pinpoint a diagnosis to fit all the symptoms.  Seriously people...it's been over 2 weeks of hospital visits and trips to the ER.  Can't someone please tell us what is going on?  The cat scan of his brain didn't show anything disturbing, we are meeting with a neurologist tomorrow, and driving to University of Michigan hospital on Monday to meet with some specialists and have an MRI done.

As much as I "don't" want them to find anything wrong, it would actually be nice at this point if they "did" find something wrong.  Then we would have some answers and be able to move forward.  At this point we are at a stand-still and in the meantime, my husband is not getting any better.  There are days where he is actually getting worse.

Please send your prayers our way because we could surely use them!

Life is Like a Roller Coaster

There has been an update in my earlier post.  My stepson will no longer be coming to live with us.  I can't get into the details here, but know that we are all crushed and heartbroken!  The past couple days have definitely been a roller coaster of emotions.

But, as my sister told me this morning "everything happens for a reason and if he is meant to live with us then it will happen".

Things are about to change.....

The husband and I made a HUGE family decision last night.  My 15 year old stepson is going to live with us full time.  This is something we've been throwing around for well over a year now, but the time just never seemed right.  Finally, all the pieces are falling into place.  This is going to require him starting off Highschool in a different school, but he is more than ready for a change and we (as parents) are more than ready to get him into a different environment.

I'm looking forward to this and know in my heart that this is the best thing for him.  Not to mention, this is a dream come true for my husband.

Picture Overload

The wedding day was nothing short of amazing!  I've never smiled so hard in one day in my whole life.  I couldn't help myself.

I felt stunning and gorgeous, but most importantly I felt loved.  The entire wedding party radiated from the joy and excitement of the day.

I was on a high that lasted the entire weekend.  It was a dream come true to see all of our family and friends in one place.

It was a perfect wedding!  Literally, the best day of my life.  And to be honest, I wasn't shooting for perfection...it just happened that way!

I was making big, life-altering promises to the man I love and I was surrounded by the most important people in my life.

I danced like a mad woman and laughed and screamed with joy!

I'm so glad that that everybody came...I'm so glad that we didn't take on anymore DIY projects...I'm so glad I have such amazing women in my life...I'm so glad we composed our own ceremony and vows...

I'M SO GLAD WE DIDN'T ELOPE!!!

If I had known the wedding would be so amazing and that marriage would be this good, I would have had a MUCH shorter engagement.

To watch our families intertwine to a degree that they appeared as one made my heart melt.

18 Days of Marriage

(I'm taking a small break in my wedding recaps while I patiently wait for our professional pictures to arrive.)

We've officially been married for 18 days.  In these 2-1/2 weeks as husband and wife I've learned a few things.

• Marriage is WAY better than I ever hoped and dreamed it would be.  The fact that every day you wake up and choose to love this person 'till death do us part' is an unbelievable feeling.

• Marriage is about growing together as much as it is about growing as an individual

• Marriage is about compromise.  I knew when I married Don that he would always be late, he's got a "truckers mouth" and he whole-heartedly believes that ketchup makes any food taste better.   I, on the other hand, will always arrive early, I will not touch raw meat, and I'm a sucker for bad reality television.  You find ways to make each others quirks work instead of trying to change each other into who you want them to be.  We knew who we married and love each other anyways.

• Getting a surprise text in the middle of the day from your husband is lovely.  It's great to know that someone is thinking about you, especially when it's your other half.

• And lastly....If you are a bride who chose to take your husband's name, it will take longer than 18 days before you get used to the change.  I see my new name show up on emails, mail, etc. and for a brief second I still wonder who this person is!